Greetings from Africa.
"What will you find readers who enter construction of love?
I wanted to talk about love in a different manner from the perspective of psychoanalysis, a field that I've been devoting 30 years. Almost everything that we suffer in life, one way or another, has to do with love, and the book I tried to explain that love is not natural, but a psychological process that we learn in childhood. It is a very ambitious book because it touches on the fundamental issue of our life in a thoughtful way and trying to answer the question of how we build.
That is, love is the result of a learning process.
That's right. As we have learned, the IDs created with our parents and how we created our universe of desire and love in adulthood. Sometimes we can not love or choose the wrong partner. The children will determine how our love relationships in adulthood. Love has two components: a part of us and an unknown and in this work if it does not explain that love can rebuild.
So is there a recipe for the construction of love?
That's what this book tries to address. We need to think much about it, taking time, space and words. As much as we reflect on love, I, who have many years bringing this up, I can say about him will always remain enigmas. So I like to say that the book is an approach to a subject that continues to much. Moreover, recently we complain a lot about love and did not devote the time needed. The recipe, if any, would go through the self-knowledge and the dedication and commitment.
In his experience as a psychologist and psychoanalyst, "Many patients come to therapy love problems?
Directly, not. They come for depression, phobias, anxiety ... a variety of symptoms that prevent a person live their lives naturally. However, behind these symptoms that there are relationships frustrated complaints of not being liked, fear of being abandoned, and so on. Psychoanalysis has made me understand the human being from the unconscious, which is what defines and governs the behaviors that happen every day and do not understand. We suffer precisely because it's all about consciousness, because not everything can master. And it is in the realm of love where we're more vulnerable, we know that we love but not the exact reasons, are desires that lead us back and not to another, and those are unconscious wishes.
You talk in your book of 'emotional closet' we all have. What is?
It is a metaphor for our psyche, what is in the unconscious. That store loves and hates, rivalries and jealousies, desires and fantasies ... If all goes well, we usually do not ask anything, but when there are problems and we suffer for love, we began to question, we put on the dress of the distress or the dress of the sadness. With all this I mean that we can develop loving relationships because they are built from childhood. If something is conflicting we just need to discuss certain things to understand what happens to us and to modify certain patterns.
In his book recommends love not to fall ill.
Yes, I believe in the healing power of love as long as the connection is made, as there are people who can not love. Since psychoanalysis is known that when you suffer for love suffers involuntarily. I remember people who have suffered for the love that there are many different ways of loving. And I would remind you that there are many topics related to love.
Let us talk about these topics about love.
Well, one of the most common is to connect love and infatuation. They are different terms. In the crush, the beloved is disguised as one wants it, but instead, love to the person you want as it is. We accept the shortcomings because that's something vital. In falling in love is also a flash, a moment, while love is solid, non-perishable and accompanies you throughout your life, what happens is that it changes, as one is not the same at 20 or at 40. To come to love, as I say in the book, we must accept that the other is going to disappoint, as we are going to disappoint the other. We all have limits and shortcomings, so love can not be demanding or respond to the film that we have assembled on our partner.
It is increasingly common that many people choose to be alone, without partner.
Freud said that nothing makes us more vulnerable to life than loving another, of course, meant that love generates a state of uncertainty.Accompanied life is richer, but this time we are living in haste we do not take the time to devote to love.
"Both family influences the choice of a love?
A lot. It is important to remember that it is within the family where love and love us for the first time. Love has to do with the desire to the other, with the illusion. We chose a love for what we did not have in childhood and now we have, or on the contrary: as we did have and want to retain. And love is chosen from the unconscious, of course, but the better we know ourselves, the better we love. I always say that ignorance about oneself, the delusions to which we submit, are the first enemy of love.
That is, to love you first have to know not only how the other, but how we are.
Of course. This requires leaving behind the deceptions. We must ask ourselves constantly about what we do and who we are. For example, if your partner has disappointed us, we must ask why that has happened, what we have seen evil in him or her, etc. From there, you can always return to rebuild everything.
Is there a cure for love sickness?
There is always the one you want. The problem is that sometimes we heal when we have suffered much and I think that we should not reach that point.
Original Link in Estrella Digital
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